Why a Black Cloud?

I will explain the "black cloud". My mother's family from time to time would say that if anything bad that could happen would happen to them and called it the black cloud. I find this to be true in my life almost on a daily basis. Just like a friend my black cloud is present everyday. Let me make this clear...I talk about my black cloud in an entirely jokingly way. I laugh about most things, even when they are bad....it's all going to be alright. My faith is such that the Lord will provide and even if I don't know how in the world we are going to fix whatever has happened, he knows. So please any of my bad things that I mention, know that I am laughing and remaining faithful while I am typing! And please LAUGH because I am!

He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good" -RussianProverb

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Pocketbook parties, cell phones, bulletins

Tonight, I hosted a thirty one party. I don't like doing these things. I mean you run around like a crazy person getting food together for the party, then have a few people show up, and  then get a few "free" things if you meet a sales quota. Whoever ( I suspect Tupperware) came up with the idea of these parties was a genius. You get a person to host a party (no cost to you), feed the customers (no cost to you), show your products and wait on the orders (profit for you), give the hostess (a gift if they meet the minimum sales limit) and offer half price items to her. No building to rent, no utilities to pay.

My consultant was great. A very nice lady I have known for years. I admire her for trying to make a living selling these products. I guess it just isn't my cup of tea. It was nice to hear the story behind thirty one because I didn't know why it was called thirty one until tonight. Proverbs 31. It was nice that eight people showed up since I have heard that sometimes no one does. It was also nice to sit and talk and munch on "party" food. I even "quacked" at Mary....I had to since Nicky wasn't there.

My 16 year thinks I am so unreasonable to have a rule where you can't use the phone/cell phone or computer after 10:30pm. I think it is lenient. I had to be off of the phone at 9pm until I left home. she said that she was the only 11th grader that had to be off of the phone at a certain time. boo hooo hooo poor thing life is so hard...LOL.

I have the job of doing the bulletin for church now. Wow! I almost have it finished (with the exception of the hymn page numbers, last minute announcements). I knew it was going to be challenging but just didn't realize how much. I think I am really going to love it because I love being creative. I just hope everyone else likes it.

Tonight I am thankful for those who strive for better things in their lives (like Ms Cindy, the 31 consultant), friends, 16 year old's logic, and a new challenge.

Friday, September 16, 2011

My Biggest Fear

Ok maybe NOT my biggest fear but definitely a fear of mine. Public speaking. Then why do I keep having this feeling that it is something I HAVE to do? Public speaking through my blog is easy..I can type away, hit publish, panic for a moment about the judgement someone may have about my story and forget about it. Well until I look at the "stats" page and find out that it has been read...yikes!

 Do I really have something to say that anyone would want to listen to? Would my "story" really help someone else if it were told in a condensed version in person?

I keep going back to the time I took a zero in Ms Brewster's English class instead of having to get up in front of my classmates and recite a poem. Would I freeze like that? Could I get it all out without crying?

What to do? Can I polish a speech enough to make it meaningful and interesting? Questions...that's all I got tonight...

So as I close tonight, I can say I am thankful for questions because I know I will eventually have the answers. That is how God works. He will calm the fears and answer the questions. If it is truly what I am supposed to do, stand up in front of people and tell my story, I will know in His time.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


The following takes place over about three or fours days-beginning with the attacks. Jason, my husband was an over the road truck driver and I had taken a two week trip with him (this was the second week).

Everyone asks where you were when.....well here is my 9/11 story:

I awoke to an annoying announcer on the radio that kept repeating something about a tower over and over. I climbed out of the bunk and noticed the dog was wanting to go out. I changed the radio and found that that station was also saying something about towers-to me at that moment I heard tower and thought radio tower. I turned the station again and again "towers". I decided to stop and listen as I was putting on my shoes and the dog's leash. That is when I heard that a second plane had hit the World Trade Center. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I woke Jason and asked him to take the dog out so I could listen to what was going on. Little did I  know at that moment the chaos, fear and uncertainty that I would feel over the next few days.

We were parked on an entrance ramp outside of St. Louis. Later at a truck stop in East St. Louis IL, we finally saw the images for the first time on a tv screen. Unbelievable. I felt like I couldn't breath. I felt like I needed to do something but had no idea what that something was. I wanted to go home...to hug my children, my mama, my daddy and meme but I knew there was no quick way to get home. I knew there was nothing I could do to make this terrible feeling go away. The stories and rumors had begun on the CB. I couldn't even begin to remember all of the things we heard that turned out not to be true. We did hear about the Pentagon and the Pennsylvania crash but we didn't know to believe it or not. That is until we saw it for ourselves at the next stop with a tv. 

We listened to our President as he made his speak that night on the radio. We were glued to the radio night and day trying to sort out all of the stories we were hearing and trying to stay on top of what was happening to our great Nation. It was so emotional for us...and a mixed bag at that. Anger set in at some point.

We went past the Indianapolis Airport and there wasn't a single plane in the sky...what an eerie site...we had been past it before and saw a lot of planes circling and then to go back past and nothing was moving at all.  We eventually had to head to the northeast. We never went into NY but we were very close. the closer we got the more banners we saw-hanging from overpasses-signs hanging on fences along the turnpike. Tears flowed. this all was for real...it was really happening...we had been attacked and many many people had died and for what? Why were we hated that much?

We made our way south and had the opportunity to go through Washington DC and right past the Pentagon. It was still smoking. There was a tension in the air that I can't explain. 

I didn't know anyone who was killed that day but there was a strong sense of mourning that I felt-these were fellow Americans.

Today, I remember these people, I remember those in our military that have died in this "war on terror" and I remember those who went into these buildings to save others and never made it back out.

Today, I am thankful for our military, and our nations first responders.  These men and women have a selfless spirit that pushes them to do things everyday without a second thought. Ordinary people who do extraordinary things. I am thankful for my family and I, like most, hold them a little closer now because of the events of 9/11/01.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

It's the Little Things

The other day, I had two facebook friends who posted something about the little things in life are the most important. That is so true!  Little things can add up to be big things-both bad and good.

One of my facebook friends posted a note about how the little things kept people from being inside the World Trade Centers on 9/11. One had to stop to get doughnuts, another had overslept, another had to get band aids, and another had a child starting school. These little things, that I am convinced God put in these people's lives at just the right moment, saved their lives. 

My husband does lots of little things....and big things too....but the small things mean more because it shows he was thinking about more than just the obvious. He has started working nights and when he comes in from work he picks up my laptop and plugs it in for me (cause usually I have gone to sleep with it on). I try to do those little things for him. Sometimes he notices and sometimes he doesn't (and that is OK with me), although I have the suspicion that he always notices but just doesn't always mention it.

The little things we do for one another doesn't always have to be for our family or friends.  What about holding the door open for the person behind you? What about a warm smile for each person you pass in the store? What about helping that elderly person get their bags into their car? or that frazzled mom who is trying her best to get the baby, stroller and her bags into the car? Sometimes this little things mean the most. Sometimes this could be your time to let your light shine (remember the song?singing it in your head yet?). 

Sometimes when you do these little things for complete strangers, you get puzzled looks and sometimes the person isn't receptive to your help....but that is OK! You extended your kindness to that person and whether they choose to accept  it is up to them. Smile and know you tried.

What about the little things that add up to big bad things? If your little things are negative, then they will add up to be big negative things. The first example that comes to mind is parents saying little negative things to their children. Little minute things that you didn't mean to be bad but were perceived negatively. These little things add up to a big bad case of low self esteem.

Tonight, I am thankful for the little things in life. The sweet little hugs and kisses Madison gives with no expectations. The sweet response I got when I sincerely thanked Tyler for his help yesterday. The hand holding my hubby does in his sleep. The lovely time I spent with Amanda this morning and the giggles we shared.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let It Go

“always forgive but never forget, remember but never regret. life's what you make of it, so make something of it. you only live once, so make it worthwhile”

We all have things happen to us. Things we wish we didn't have to go through, but somehow we make it through and we can chose to do one of two things: hang on to the hurt and not forgive or let it go and forgive. I am no different. I have been through so much in my 39 years that it would take days to write about each and every big event and months for the little things. Instead of sharing all of the "things", I am choosing to write tonight about the forgiveness part.  For many years I  held on to the hurt and anger that these things caused me. I was angry and questioned why I had to endure such pain. Why me? Why? Why? Why? One day it hit me that I didn't have to keep this in my life. I could let it go. I could choose to be happy. I could choose not to be angry and I could choose not to question why (instead accept, forgive and move on). What a powerful feeling this was! What a freeing moment in my life!

I got out my paper and pen and starting writing. I had so much to say. I had never been asked for this forgiveness but I chose to give it. The Bible tells us that Jesus forgave us so we must forgive others that wrong us. During all the counseling I had gone to, I had been told I didn't have to forgive. After the realization that I was forgiven and  the person who wronged me (if they asked for forgiveness from Jesus, they were forgiven), I knew I had to forgive too. I wrote. I cried. After I was finished, I smiled and I actually felt as if a weight had been lifted from my body.

My letter was delivered and read. My forgiveness had been given.

It is amazing how many people hold on to the hurtful things in life and it amazing how it effects us physically, emotionally and spiritually. We can choose to be happy or miserable. We can choose to be forgivers or haters.

Tonight, my advice is: if there is something big or small that is making you hurt or hate, choose to give the person your forgiveness. Don't see it as being weak, see it as being strong-the bigger person. Don't say they don't deserve forgiveness because Jesus didn't deserve the cross and do we deserve Jesus' forgiveness? But he gives it to us...

I am thankful that I am forgiven.  I am thankful for Pastor Hamilton for talking me through it and making me realize that forgiveness was a have to. I thankful that I finally realized I wasn't doing anyone any harm except myself by not giving my forgiveness. My hatred and hurt didn't positively impact the other persons life, but my forgiveness did..

One cannot walk in fellowship with God if he refuses to forgive others